So I realized recently that apparently I must give off some sort of crazy vibe that screams "please! Tell me your entire life story!!" "Think of the most personal thing in your life and tell me, please, I'm dying to know!" While it's sometimes inconvenient, most of the time its AWESOME and makes for some hilarious stories. The most recent of which was in an innocent trip to Target. I was just grabbing new mascara from the makeup isle, when a high-school (maybe early college) aged girl stopped me to ask a beauty-related question. Sure, why not. Hit me. She simply asked, "what's the best concealer you've ever used to cover up really really good?"
So naturally, I look straight at her neck. Because why else would you need really REALLY good concealer? Yep, there was a hickey. No big deal. The one she had in her hand would suffice.
So I said, "Yep, good choice there. Go with that one." Simple. Problem fixed. Started walking on....
Then she said, "Oh good. My boyfriend has hickeys ALLLL over his neck, and his mom is PISSED because he has (some sort of really important *insert club here* activity) pictures tomorrow. And by hickeys all over, I mean EVERYWHERE. His mom is going to KILL me if we don't get this covered up!"
Wow....ummm, okay.....she wants more guidance? She's super-proud of the hickeys? Okay, no need for an awkward moment where I just smile and walk away, wondering why she filled me in on that, so I just said, "oh, okay, well, yeah, after you put that cover-up on, use a little powder or something so you make sure and match his neck to his face for the pictures...."......?????
Monday, September 20, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Yes, the title is cheesy
Yes, yes, I'm fully aware, for those of you that know me, my blog title is totally cheesy, because, in case you haven't noticed, I'm tall.
And everyone points it out. The first time they meet me. Any and all jokes are directed at the height. The first question out of anyone's mouth is "How tall are you?" Quickly followed by "Do you play basketball??" Yes, that's all it takes to be a basketball player. Height. Oh wait, um, no. There's the whole issue of hand-eye coordination, ability to run without falling, and overall athletic ability and talent. Okay, so I DID play basketball in high school, but no, I didn't play in college and, no, I do not play for the Tulsa Shock. And, no, you cannot have my autograph. Actually, yes, yes you can. I'm number 31. Look for me on the court. But they've been thinking of trading me for 2 less talented basketball players. I'm THAT good. So if you don't see me, that's what happened.
I don't walk around asking short people if they are a horse jockey, drive the tiny clown cars in parades, or a flight attendent on the really small planes. Nor do I ask if they're tall enough to ride any given ride in an amusement park.
Yes, I can reach things up high. No, the air isn't any different up here. Yes, I've heard every joke and every pick-up line you could possibly come up with. No, you're NOT original.
Although, when we went to Vegas, I did hear the MOST original pick-up line - tall or not:
"Hey baby, you and me would make a perfect '10'. You'll be the 1 and I'll be the big, fat 0."
Although the only way I could tell it was really a pick-up line was that it was in the middle of a bar, and he followed it with "lets go back up to my room." Is making yourself sound slightly loser-ish the new way to pick up chicks in a bar these days? Spoiler alert!: I said "No thanks." Best. Pick-up. Line. Ever.
So there ya go, people, the whole explanation behind my blog title.
Read it. Love it. Laugh. That's all I ask.
And everyone points it out. The first time they meet me. Any and all jokes are directed at the height. The first question out of anyone's mouth is "How tall are you?" Quickly followed by "Do you play basketball??" Yes, that's all it takes to be a basketball player. Height. Oh wait, um, no. There's the whole issue of hand-eye coordination, ability to run without falling, and overall athletic ability and talent. Okay, so I DID play basketball in high school, but no, I didn't play in college and, no, I do not play for the Tulsa Shock. And, no, you cannot have my autograph. Actually, yes, yes you can. I'm number 31. Look for me on the court. But they've been thinking of trading me for 2 less talented basketball players. I'm THAT good. So if you don't see me, that's what happened.
I don't walk around asking short people if they are a horse jockey, drive the tiny clown cars in parades, or a flight attendent on the really small planes. Nor do I ask if they're tall enough to ride any given ride in an amusement park.
Yes, I can reach things up high. No, the air isn't any different up here. Yes, I've heard every joke and every pick-up line you could possibly come up with. No, you're NOT original.
Although, when we went to Vegas, I did hear the MOST original pick-up line - tall or not:
"Hey baby, you and me would make a perfect '10'. You'll be the 1 and I'll be the big, fat 0."
Although the only way I could tell it was really a pick-up line was that it was in the middle of a bar, and he followed it with "lets go back up to my room." Is making yourself sound slightly loser-ish the new way to pick up chicks in a bar these days? Spoiler alert!: I said "No thanks." Best. Pick-up. Line. Ever.
So there ya go, people, the whole explanation behind my blog title.
Read it. Love it. Laugh. That's all I ask.
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